News

Click here to download Siglerism News for September 29, 2008

Junkies. I hate to do this to you again, but looks like I'm going to postpone the finale of NOCTURNAL for a week or two. My father-in-law's ongoing hospital battle is taking a turn for the worse. The full story is in the MP3 linked above, as well as some big news about THE CRYPT, Julie Andrews and the anti-Siglerites mucking about on Amazon.com. 

Junkies, prepare for doom, death, plaid tanks, beers, chicks, fire trucks and more doom (and all you goddamn hippies head for higher ground).

The CONTAGIOUS Book Tour Contest is on! Click the "Demand It" icon in the right-hand column to bring General Siglerisimo to your city in January. The five cities with the most votes will see Pope Siglericus give his moist holy blessings to adoring Junkies.

Don't be fooled by this brief experiment with democracy -- I am still going to destroy all cultures, kill 90 percent of the world's population and enslave the rest. But while my plaid tank is in the shop getting some work done on on the exhaust system, I will allow you the illusion that you are in control.

Greece and Spain, welcome to the pain that is Siglerism! The Shiv over at Crown just informed me that Minotauro in Spain will publish INFECTED for world Spanish rights, as will Platypus Publications in Greece for world Greek rights. I promise to destroy your cultures with the same brutality as all others ... General Siglerisimo believes in cultural equality (I will post the Mexican flag as soon as I properly understand when books will be available in Mexico and Central America).

THE CURRENT LIST OF THE DOOMED:

INFECTED trade paperbackSo you can't wait until December 30 to find out what happens to Dew, Margaret, Amos, Otto and ... of course ... the ball-less wonder himself? Well if you've got some discretionary income, the INFECTED trade paperback comes out October 14 has fifty pages of CONTAGIOUS.

SHOULD JUNKIES BUY THIS?
Totally up to you. If you already bought INFECTED, the only benefits here are fifty pages of CONTAGIOUS, plus it completes your Sigler Collection. Does it help the FDO™? Sure, but if it's a choice between this or CONTAGIOUS in hardcover, go with the hardcover.

SUBVERSIVE CHRISTMAS PRESENT:
Buy the paperback, carefully read the fifty pages of CONTAGIOUS, then re-gift that bad boy to some unsuspecting sap for Christmas! Boom, two birds with one stone.

WARNING: NO SPOILERS
If you buy this (and I thank you if you do), do NOT post any information about CONTAGIOUS in forums anywhere, including here. Sure, you can post stuff like "Oh my God, the FDO™ just gets better all the times" and "Oh my God, the FDO™ just surpassed Brad Pitt as the Sexiest Dude on the Planet," but don't spoil the plot for those who can't pick up a copy. I want everyone to experience this bee-yotch for themselves ... yeah, it's just that good.

Siglerism perverts Sesame StreetHoly crap is this thing funny. It seems the FDO™ has now peverted that holiest of holy childhood memories, Sesame Street. And who do we have to thank for this hilarity?

Hutchinssss ...

This one has enough trouble in it to almost qualify for a Greg Crites' novel. James Blunt needs to get his ass whipped, granted, but this is some awesome shit.

And what is that red thing? Screw that, give me Cookie Monster, or give me death.

Click here to watch.

Scott on Internet Superstar: Martin Sargent grills the FDOClick here to watch Scott's
interview on Internet Superstar

I have pulled yet another coup, landing some sweet, high-quality video that I didn't have to produce. Again. Yes, I'm impressed with myself, but what's new?

I look particularly corpse-like in this one. I also sound like a moron in several places. Go ahead, Junkies, have a laugh at my expense. Internet Superstar is a show on Revision 3, home of EPIC-FU and DIGGNation. Hosted by the high-energy Martin Sargent, this show covers -- you guesssed it, the "internet famous." 

There is a ton of graphics work on this, they did a great job on the interview and it moves really fast. Check it out.

Ninja will kill you with this book: Look for the Ninja Handbook in stores September 9Click here to play The Ninja's shout-out to Junkies

Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook is the world's foremost guide to killing people. And monsters. And probably trees, too, but only if they get bitchy. And maybe rocks if you have a big enough hammer, and Ninjas do.

If you guys haven't seen Ask a Ninja, you are missing out on one of the best things the internet ever kicked out. The show is absolutely brilliant and will make you laugh your ass off.

What's more, Ask a Ninja is part of the reason I have a book deal. When the big publishers were wondering if this "podcasting fad" had any legs, they were looking at shows like Ask a Ninja and seeing the insane download numbers online media can create. All the J.C. Hutchins, Scott Siglers, Seth Harwoods and everyone else who's dancing with the big publishers needs to tip their hats to these guys for paving the way and showing just how big online media can get.

I'm buying this book tomorrow. I will definitely use it to kill someone. 

And for those of you who know THE ROOKIE, you know that Kracken's linebacker John Tweedy quotes the Ninja when he meets opposing players. Like you need more of a reason than that?

The Email of Doom: sent to Tha Shiv at Crown PublishingHoly crap. It's done.

720 pages.
138,400 words.
772,504 characters.
Add in the 22,300 words that didn't even make it in, and I typed well over 1,000,000 characters to make this bitch.

Allow me a moment to pry my ass away from this chair. I think it's grown into my gluteus maximums like a triangle's tail sinking into Perry's junk. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

Life is full of great moments, those times where your chest fills with the pride of knowing you busted your ass and put on a blue-collar performance worthy of an AFL-CIO endorsement. CONTAGIOUS goes to the publisher, warts and all, and no matter what you all think of it the book, this blood-spotted keyboard is proof that I put everything I had into making this the best novel possible.

The rush I'm experiencing right now is indescribeable. This is what it felt like to some Egyptian dude when he dropped that last block onto the pyramid, and then said, "Hey, Ezekiel, it's Miller Time, brah." So much work went into this. So many life changes in the last five months. The passing of a beloved dog, the illness of a family member. The Evil Queen returns from Michigan tomorrow, and I can finally dedicate my full attention to her in her time of crisis. Life giveth, and life taketh away.

I have put my very being into this rat bastard. I want it to rock you like Queen would if Freddy Merc were still with us. I want it to lock the breath in your throat, grab your privates in a not-so-nice way, make your stomach flip and your nips all hard and tingly. I want it to smash you flat like a Matt Wallace snap-souplex.

Above all, I want CONTAGIOUS to entertain you.  You Damn Dirty Junkies have no idea what you all mean to me, and I hope this one hits you so hard you fly into the ditch with your empty shoes still on the road. CONTAGIOUS is my love letter to y'all.

And for you aspiring novelists asking if this level of committment and sacrifice is worth it? Yeah, it is. 

I am your FDO™, and I do work.

Click here to download the short story THE TORPEDO

This story originally ran on Mur Lafferty's "Stories of the Third Wave" fiction podcast. I wanted to get it in our feed for the Junkies who do not listen to Mur's awesome stuff. THE TORPEDO is a humerous take on some conventions of the superhero genre. I originally made this story to help promote Mur's book "Playing for Keeps," but liked the results so much I though you might like to hear it. In other words, I thought it was funny as fuck. Enjoy.

TECHTARD™ UPDATE:
Initially, I accidentally posted the link to Mur's PDF of the book instead of the MP3 link, so the PDF may have downloaded to your pod-catcher. Downloaded a second time, you see, because I already posted the PDF once. That's just how we TechTards™ roll. Well now I have the correct link in here, so listen in already.

Hailing from Scunthorpe, North Lincolinshire in the UK, Matthias Liley is the officlal Junkie #4,000. A nice little international flare, which is good, because Scunthorpe (like every other city) will also be destroyed in the Sigler Ascension. Sorry about that, Matthias, but them's the breaks.

In a nice turn of events, Junkie #4,000 listed his picture and all his info, as a good Junkie should. 

This is a pretty big deal, Junkies. A dedicated army, 4,000 strong. This is a huge number for a realtively unknown author. It's like having 4,000 Rock-em Sock-em Robots at your disposal. Many, many more listen to the stories and enjoy them, but you brave 4,000 are the Shock Troops of Siglerism! HAIL!